Onion News Network
News Without Mercy
Onion News Network is a parody television news show. The show premiered its ten-episode first season on January 21, 2011, at 10:00 p.m. EST on IFC. In March 2007, The Onion launched The Onion News Network, a daily web video broadcast that had been in production since sometime in mid-2006. The Onion invested about $1 million in production and hired 15 staffers to focus on the venture. Carol Kolb, former Editor-in-Chief of The Onion is the ONN's head writer; and Will Graham is the showrunner and Executive Producer. It is implied on-air that the ONN show "FactZone with Brooke Alvarez" is "simulcasted" on IFC Friday nights at 10pm ET.
Seasons
1. Enter The FactZone
Air Date: 2011-01-21
One of the network's beautiful reporters is kidnapped and Onion News Network leaps into action. Brooke Alvarez runs down the big stories of the day. Tucker Hope delivers the Daily Briefing on a high-tech screen.
2. Snowlocaust
Air Date: 2011-01-28
Brooke Alvarez oversees reporters from her vantage point in the FactZone.
3. Man-Horse Marriage
Air Date: 2011-02-04
Scandal erupts over a conservative senator's relationship with a horse. In the FactZone, Brooke Alvarez separates truth from lies so you don't have to waste time making up your own mind.
4. Fifth Anniversary
Air Date: 2011-02-11
FactZone celebrates five years of total news dominance. Brooke Alvarez tracks the top stories of the day. Millions of viewers tune in nightly to watch Alvarez, beautiful and well-informed.
5. The Trial of TR-425
Air Date: 2011-02-18
A predator drone plane stands trial in military court. Brooke Alvarez delivers a 30-minute nonstop news assault, covering politics, entertainment, science, and business news in the FactZone.
6. Cyber Attack
Air Date: 2011-02-25
After America suffers a cyber attack, Brooke Alvarez interviews top U.S. officials via satellite. If someone saw something, or allegedly did something, you'll see them on the FactZone.
7. The Real Obama
Air Date: 2011-03-04
A breaking news report reveals the president has been kidnapped. In the FactZone, Brooke Alvarez provides viewers with the latest news from around the world, except for the countries no one cares about.
8. Stock Market Crash
Air Date: 2011-03-11
When Wall Street panics after a stock market crash, Brooke Alvarez explores the story in depth.
9. Real America
Air Date: 2011-03-18
Washington enters talks with the people of Real America. Whenever news happens, Brooke Alvarez is fearless in her pursuit of the truth, going to any length to bring America the news.
10. American Dream
Air Date: 2011-03-25
As America responds to news that the American Dream has died, Brooke Alvarez provides the news you need to survive in this terrible, frightening world.
1. Asteroid Heads to Earth
Air Date: 2011-10-04
With a giant asteroid expected to hit Earth on October 4th, the Onion News Network has announced it will continue broadcasting until the moment the planet is destroyed.
2. Missing Baby Kate
Air Date: 2011-10-11
Cross Examination's Shelby Cross leads a crusade to rip through every home in America to search for missing one-year-old Baby Kate. In the FactZone, Brooke and the ONN team reveal an extremist obese society's foiled attempts to kidnap Michelle Obama and O'Brady Shaw takes a drunk driving victim's death so personally that the victim's family must take a break from their own grief to comfort O'Brady. In other news, reports show that the iPhone 5 will come conveniently packaged with rumors about the iPhone 6.
3. Fantasy Brainwall
Air Date: 2011-10-18
FactZone introduces its newest piece of technology: an updated touchscreen that Tucker can control with his mind. Unfortunately for Tucker, the new "Brainwall" starts to display Tucker's darkest thoughts. Also, O'Brady's compassion for stray earthquake victims goes a little too far, when he starts "mercifully" killing dogs to relieve them after the disaster. Brooke reports on a coma-bound Republican Presidential candidate who is polling surprisingly well due to his lack of politically disastrous gaffes, and Rapper Kanye West faces down the nation of Syria in a Twitter battle over who was chanting first.
4. Dead Reporter
Air Date: 2011-10-25
FactZone says goodbye to legendary newsman, Brandon Armstrong, who was killed in a brothel fire. Shelby Cross admonishes parents not to let their children trick-or-treat during Halloween, or what she refers to as the "Pedophiles' Christmas." Autistic Reporter, Michael Falk, asks the tough questions about a search and rescue mission's dismal chances of finding missing hikers and the First Responders react to the latest GOP debate, that they may or may not have even watched.
5. Exposed, Brooke Alvarez
Air Date: 2011-11-01
A revealing documentary airs on public television about Brooke Alvarez's secret life as a Russian child cosmonaut . Brooke is forced to relive the traumatizing experience of being trapped in a space shuttle with a vicious chimpanzee named Mr. Dmitry. Also, the U.S. government hires the genius behind Zico coconut water to try to help America out of its economic hole and a prostitute is caught paying Mitt Romney for sex.
6. Today Now! Special
Air Date: 2011-11-11
The network morning show stages a very special takeover.
7. Sex in America
Air Date: 2011-11-18
A report on sex in America.
8. Artificial Intelligence
Air Date: 2011-11-25
The studio gains artificial intelligence and falls in love with Brooke, millions across the country are dangerously trapped in an Animal Hoarders marathon, and Jean Anne Whorton investigates the cruel underground blood sport of spouse fighting.
9. Brooke vs. O'Brady
Air Date: 2011-12-02
O'Brady Shaw joins Brooke on FactZone as her cohost to promote his new special "The Cries of the Children." A loud woman accountant is bothering the whole nation with her grating chatter. And a new weight loss drug is being released onto the market that curbs eating by making the user hallucinate that their food is a swarm of vicious, bloodthirsty monsters.
10. Year in Review
Air Date: 2011-12-09
The gang looks back on 2011.
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Rating
7.0/10
Release Date
2011-01-21
Episodes
20 (2 seasons)
Status
Canceled
